What am I doing!?!

I have been asking myself this question a lot recently. I feel like I'm running through the woods at night not sure if the trees look familiar because after awhile trees all look the same or if indeed I am running in circles. (side note... The good news is I do not feel like I am running through the woods in 6 inch heels while a crazy man with a chain saw is after me.) hmmm. Ok back to feeling lost.  Is it possible I have too many options or maybe I have too many options because I don't know what I really want.  Interestingly enough I know what I want in the long run so I guess I'm stuck on how to get there. Yup that feels right... What am I doing.... today to move in the direction of my dreams?  Hmm interesting I wasn't askIng myself the complete question.. No wonder clarity was so elusive!  Woohoo right question now right answer. Well damn all I'm coming up with is to resin my star ornaments, work on wire wrapping, answer emails and write this blog post. I was really hoping to be hit with a stroke of brilliance and drama. I suppose persistence will have to do for now... I'm watching the Avengers movie later that will be all my  hitting and drama for today :)
Off I go to be super persistent girl! Yeah I'll take that.

Fun New Photos of my Jewelry

www.lookingglasslane.etsy.com

Put your one foot in...

Right now I totally feel like the child in the back seat of the car who keeps asking, "Are we there yet?!"'
I am so close I can taste it. Currently I am in the transitional zone between my old life and the new one I have so painstakingly been creating for the past 15 months.  My jewelry is in stores! I have a website (www.lookingglasslane.wix.com/lookingglasslane)! I am getting into juried shows! I have an active etsy site! I'm still not making enough money to cover my expenses! dang.
But I'm sooo close...it actually hurts. I discussed this with a fellow artist/business owner/awesome friend and she validated that indeed the place in-between is uncomfortable and well...icky feeling.  Being patient and thorough is critical but I want to skip that part and run screaming and dancing into "making it".
Countless people have me reminded me that life isn't a destination it's a journey....I know it is but I've been on many long trips and sometimes the ride is a pain in my neck :P
So what do I do to make it to the next phase.... I'm gracefully pouting through the uncomfortable parts of my happy destiny; begrudgingly being grateful for all the daily gifts I receive: and laughing because I'm acting like my five year old.

I'm Not Going To Freak OuT

While birthing my child I had complete and total confidence in myself. I hadn't taken any lamaze classes or read any books about what to do when in labor...I just believed deep within myself that my body would intuitively take over and everything would be wonderful.  The entire experience was amazing...I found an inner strength that reaffirmed that everything was going to be ok.  So how is it that I can gracefully live through that experience but under the pressure of volunteer commitments and work obligations (ALL things I really want to do!) I feel myself melting towards a major freak out!?!?! I keep trying to tell myself it'll all get done, don't worry about it, breath, breath, breath...eekkk still edging towards freaking out.
I want to drink lots of coffee and stay awake all night to get everything off of my to-do list but that is just CrAZiNesS and will definitely lead to a bad day tomorrow. So what do I do? What do I do when the best I can do isn't good enough? Praying for a miracle or divine intervention seems like a really good idea right now!

Ugh...ok first things first. Prioritize.
1. I have over 100 pairs of earrings I have to wire-wrap. To get them all done will take 10-12 hours. I have not done any of them and need some of them for a store meeting tuesday and a show on friday.
If I do a couple hours tonight and the same tomorrow I can be half done with my wire-wrapping. At my studio monday I can resin the finished pairs and put findings on them before my meeting tuesday. manageable  :)
2. I need to make some super awesome pendants for jewelrySPARK.  I can't start those until I get to my studio on Monday so off the table right this minute.
3. Writing instructor contracts for the CMMAG retreat...I sent out the corrections today and am waiting for approval before I send the final drafts to the board. I can spend 30 minutes tonight filling out instructor information then finish the rest tomorrow. manageable.
4. I have 6 posts to various groups about VIP tickets for SPARKcon this will probably only take 30 minutes and I can do it tomorrow.

ok...well I guess those are the really pressing issues I have on my calendar. Everything else on my to-do list has been there for about a week so another week won't make that much of a difference :P

Well now I feel a little better. I guess it was overwhelming if I thought of it as one big mess of stuff to do but parsed out into organized bits it's not too bad...still lots to do but I can now say with confidence
I'm not going to freak out.

Be Here Now

Recently one of my mantras has been...Be Here Now. I even got a piece of art on saturday that has that saying on it.  I need to carry that piece around with me...it's too big to wear as a necklace but I may soon have to.  There are so many things that I want to do but to actually get that much done my days would have to be 40 hours long.  How does one balance work, exercise, friends, playtime, child-rearing, marriage, and downtime? I'm not sure. Maybe no one has a good answer and everyone is just running around pretending to know what they are doing...that's pretty much been what I've been doing for about 5 years now.  So why is my Be Here Now mantra feeling extra important...well because recently while thinking about all I have to do I've missed present opportunities. Or even better...while practicing Be Here Now I've gained serenity.  I can be a bit of a whirling dervish so serenity and sitting still are two gifts I am learning to cherish.
I'm accepting that my to do list will never get done because I always add to it...so instead of focusing all of my time on what I have to do I'm spending a little more time focusing on what I am doing...
listening to my husband play guitar and the snort of giggling pigs as my son plays angry birds, the whir of the fan as it's breeze tickles my ear, the click of the keyboard keys, the sound of the school bus outside...
Now here is the funny part...I feel all serene and while sitting in the stillness of my contentment I have finally found the motivation to clean my bathrooms.  :D

Art makes everything taste better

Recently my life has given me some hard pills to swallow.  Situations have left a very bad taste in my mouth. Thank God for art, the people within the art community and my ever amazing friends who have sweetened my life up again!

Laura and Val at The Center for Creative Leadership that invited and encouraged me to show my jewelry at their facility (and all those there that that have purchased my jewelry!).  

The Visual Art Exchange who offered me a warm welcome when I went to their general Sparkcon meeting http://visualartexchange.org/  Then I went to the Fashionspark meeting and was rejuvenated with the enthusiasm its members.  

Traveling to Pittsboro  I met with Kitty the owner of LiquidAmbar (http://www.liquidambar.com/ 
 and left feeling hopeful and excited. 

Last week I went on a photo adventure with James Roddick who is the uber talented photog who took the photo of me in my last blog post. (http://www.jamesroddickphotography.com) 

On thursday I have my Carolina Mixed Media Art Guild meeting which never fails to put an extra large smile on my face. http://carolinamixedmediaartistsguild.blogspot.com/ 

And I am extra grateful for my husband, a professional musician that totally understands how important creativity is in my life,  who everyday makes sure I get to my art studio, urges me to get out into the art community and believes in me when I don't.

That's a whole lot of people who helped pull me out of this hole.  They didn't even know that their positive words and warm smiles made such a huge difference. Thank you, I never could have done it without you. 

So forward I go seeking more delicious people to traverse this savory, scrumptious, ambrosial, appetizing, delectable, delightful, enticing, exquisite, heavenly, luscious, mouthwatering life.

Moving forward slowly

I go to my art studio about 10 hours a week.  This is not nearly as much time as I would like but my life currently requires that I focus on a plethora of other things...raising my awesome 4 year old, taking care of the house, volunteering, exercising, meeting with friends...you know, life stuff.
With all that said I would like to state that I am making progress...albeit slowly.  I reached a bit of a milestone this past Tuesday...my first photo shoot :) I've been talking with a photographer and make up artist for a few weeks;  coordinating schedules, hashing out ideas, and scouting locations.  We finally pulled it all together and I am thrilled with the results!

The purpose of the shoot for me is to have photos to send with my media kits.  I want to highlight myself and my jewelry...I think the photo does both wonderfully!
Now onto the fun? part of writing articles and sending them to publications...

My Sketchbook Project Book

                                                       This is Hannah. Hannah loves to dance

                                                          And draw                   And paint

                                                         And sew                And take photos.

                   Hannah is very creative but she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up.

                                     She has tried lots of different jobs but nothing seems to fit quite right.

                                                     So Hannah prays but nothing happens.

                                                                Hannah is angry and sad.

    This is Hope Hannah's best friend.  When Hannah is sad Hope sings to her and Hannah remembers...

                                             Who she is and what she loves.  Hannah smiles.

                                                                Thank God for Hope.

Interview

Didnt I tell you I'd get back to this interview thing again :) well ok it's another interview about me but different than last time...The Carolina Mixed Media Artist Guild blog posts artist interviews and I'm their subject for January yay!!!!
http://carolinamixedmediaartistsguild.blogspot.com/

Ack where did November go?!?!

My head is spinning.  I'm so grateful for where I am in my life journey right now.  I remember all the times I was beyond frustrated with my art...times I wanted to throw everything away...when I cursed God for my overwhelming desire to create but didn't find a way to support myself with my talents.  Sometimes I felt that my prayers would never be answered.  In spite of my circumstances and because I am extremely stubborn I continued to make art.  Taking photographs or painting, making cards or garland Christmas trees  I found some serenity in creating just for arts sake.
And then while working on the mock up of a re-arrangeable piece, not expecting anything at all,  everything changed; I stumbled upon how to make my photographic gems. For all the times I've tried to plan the great stuff in my life I am now utterly convinced the surprises God gives to me are infinitely better than anything I could have thought up.
So here I am...I was in a few shows this fall and did really well.  I was feverishly excited to tell everyone about my new found art.  And this past show, the Boylan Height's Artwalk, I even received a compliment on my enthusiasm.
I know continuing on this path will have its ups and downs.  And still I am eager to see what the new year brings.  The message in my heart for then and through out the holiday season is have faith...in yourself and whatever Higher Power you believe in.  Your prayers will always be answered in the positive...even if it is "yes, but not now" or "I have something better".
Happy Holiday
Love
Jennifer

Photo pendants

I've been busy busy busy making pendants, bracelets, and rings :) Yay!!!!!
I even started a jewelry class to learn how to metalsmith. Awesome!
So here are a few of the pieces I've been working on...Enjoy :)

Add caption

Life lessons blah

So I've been happily making my jewelry at a pretty good pace for the last several weeks now :) yay! Well I always give my pieces test wears to make sure they fall right, don't turn, don't scratch, don't break... And well unfortunately every 1 out of 10 hairpins seems to fall apart after a few weeks. Damn. I've spent the last couple of weeks hunting for a more industrial strength glue that doesn't reQuire installing a ventilation hood in my art studio. It's overwhelming how toxic some of the adhesives are! I thought I would just use a quick fix on the hairpins I've already made...a drop of super glue and wah-la. No such luck. The super glue seeped into and onto every part of the hairpin leaving ugly white residue all over them :( so sad. Like 100 hairpins all messed up. Lesson learned...ALWAYS do a test sample before doing an entire batch. Seems pretty obvious as I would apply that knowledge to a material I hadn't used before but superglue...humph. Now I know, test it just in case. So where does that leave me wit the hairpins...I'm going to try and save them...I mean I am an artist and all and creative solutions are my thing! I went to ornamentea and bought diamond glaze...
So I tried it on a few...we'll see the results tomorrow...wish me luck!!!

Progress not perfection

So I did it...I have my first pendant published on etsy. I thought I would be really excited but surprisingly I'm completely underwhelmed. Wtf? I think this is the part where now I feel the anxiety of having to get more stuff up there. I brought my camera to the studio today so I can get some great photos of me wearing my wears but I'm so not wanting to start! Well I'll turn my attention to the positive...I got my business cards on Friday :) and I have all my jewelry in cute little bags with my logo on them. Definitely progress.now the hard part letting go of the perfection piece. I want my photos to be amazing...I am a photographer and all but I've always photographed other people...not used my self timer to photograph me!?! Ok ok enough of my complaining...I need to go take the photos put them up on etsy and move forward. oh and the other little thing I need to do that makes me feel really squirrely...email all my friends and family tonlet them see what I've been doing.
www.lookingglasslane.etsy.com

I'm the interviewed artist!

Told you I'd get back to artists, interviews and how-tos! Ok, well this is, in a round about way... I got a phone call from a journalist and wah-la! Yay!!! I was interviewed by Raleigh Downtowner!!!  http://www.raleighdowntowner.com/  The current issue is out around Raleigh but not yet up online.  

And the how-to part...well I got to do my first demonstration at the CMMAG meeting last thursday :)  It went great...my 4 year old son was there to "help" me. And my art was very well received...it felt so great! I've told myself a million times I don't need validation from other  people to make great art...but it sure helps when other artists I admire like my stuff! 

I'm slowly getting the business aspects of my art done too.  My goal is to have business cards and an etsy site in 2 weeks!  And to satisfy my inner lawyer I'm sending off my photographs to be copyrighted. Woohoo lots to do!!! I'll keep you posted :)

I never would have thought...

My life is hilarious...I think I've mentioned that before :)  So I was working on my next really big re-arrangeable art project when I got distracted by the technique I was developing for the piece. Not just a little distracted like a rest stop on the side of the highway, I mean distracted like I took an exit to stop for gas and ended up buying a house and getting a job.  Yay?!?! SO what am I working on now...jewelry. I've posted photos of the gems I'm making because explaining them doesn't really do justice to the finished pieces.

Remembering

So I was reading back through some of my posts and laughed when I came to the reason I started this blog, artists. interviews. how tos....hmmm it seems I have gotten quite far from what I originally intended to do. Oh well...change happens...and really even though I appear off track now I will be reading this post in a year or two and again be laughing because I will have gotten back around to what I had originally planned.  My life is hilarious like that.


Recently I've been procrastinating on getting some of the business stuff...incorporating, insurance, licensing...done.  In the past I worked for a lawyer! I almost went into entertainment law! So why am I dragging my feet?!?!? I keep making mounds of excuses...I need to more time, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where to start.. ad infinitum.  So what's the real reason...I'm afraid of failure.  In the past I have tried a few things that didn't work out so well.  (There were some successes mixed in there too but that's not what's got me worried!) It feels like if I move forward with the legal paperwork I'm making a really big commitment to myself.  Ack my brain is arguing with itself. I write that I'm afraid of failure then I immediately reply with...but I can do this, I'm ready. Besides my definition of failure is not trying...so funny enough, if I don't do the paperwork I will fail.  Damnations.

Wandering

Lately I've been questioning if all of my mood swings are normal.   I swear one day I'm feeling great then the next I want to throw my art away and go get a normal job.  So much great stuff seemed to be happening and now I'm completely confused because less than nothing is happening.  It is like pulling teeth just to get to my art studio these days.  I totally empathize with all the women out there who want to make art their livelihood but struggle with balancing their career with their stay-at-home/family demands.  In my household everyone else's needs are more important...husband has to work more...I lose art time, child has to go to doctor...I lose art time...Heck I even do it to myself...there are times when I haven't spoken to an adult for 72 hours because I've been home with my son ...and I've hung out with a friend instead of going to my art studio.  I'm very very very frustrated.
I am making a public commitment...no more negotiable art time.  If it is time to go to my studio that is where I will be.

Onward We Happily Trudge

Yesterday "physically" went well...everything on the outside seemed ok...well, less that little tornado scare.   Inspite of reality being as lovely as it was the day before, my head was turning itself sideways.  Current events have caused me to look back at some really really hard times in my not too distant past, things I'd accepted, moved through, and was completely done with.  Still there were those past emotions...the feelings of being scared, unprepared, angry, less-than, broken, crazy, lonely, and overwhelmed.  There was a time when my feelings, running away from my feelings, being terrified of feeling my feelings, drove me to some very self destructive behaviors.  Over the years and with a lot of help, I've learned to talk to someone I trust, accept the uncomfortable emotions, and pray the serenity prayer.  So instead of yesterday being a disaster, I talked to my husband about all the messiness in my head and felt a little better.  Today I'm still feeling a little sad about what happened in my life years before...but it's not a pity sad, just a gentle grieving. Recognizing what I lost, but simultaneously being reminded that I'm a more compassionate and stronger person for my struggles. And with years of hard work, of not backing down or running away, years of looking at my problems, and being willing to live in the solutions, my life today is really good.

So onward I happily trudge, just like all those other people out there who have faced similar struggles.  I'm choosing to love myself and all the challenges that have made me who I am.

Mmmmmm

Mmmmm is usually associated with a tasty treat , but I'm mmmmming with furrowed brow.  I'm grumpy mmmming if you will.  Why? Well, I'm not exactly sure...things have been great recently. My tree was well received at the Kit Challenge...I was hired to dance for a motion capture project and photograph a food fight...even applied for Artspace Emerging Artist Residency...plus left my cleaning job.  But here I am  walking around my house pouting?!?!?  I keep thinking I want a break...I deserve a vacation for all my hard work...which may be partly true BUT it's all work I wanted to do! Just like this blog...I want to do this...so why do I procrastinate writing?  I am frustrated with my own conflicting emotions. Do I say I want something because it sounds good, but then don't really want it because of the work it takes to make it happen? Oh please No! I don't want to be one of those people!  Ack. Ack. Ok, calming down. I'm not one of those people...I'm just tired...I'm slightly overwhelmed because I haven't learned to balance my time yet...I'll get there...I always do, just need to freak out for a second ( or minute or half a day) I mean really look at me..what am I doing, writing.  Not exactly what I set out to do with this blog but at least I'm doing something. Besides the video stuff is coming...I am going to edit my "creating of the tree" footage as well as video of the food fight...now there is some mmmmmm in a deliciously messy good way.

Clarity Comes

Ok, it's been over a month since my last post...and clarity has come.  At the end of January, during the Carolina Mixed Media Artist Guild meeting, an opportunity was presented to partake in their annual Kit Challenge.  The Challenge was to create a piece of art using 25 different items...oh, and it had to be completed in one month.  I was hesitant to sign up, but I knew it was the next right thing to do...so, off I ran, full tilt.  The challenge was amazing...I'd let you know what I did, but I'm not allowed to post any photos until the opening on March 25th :) During my creative process, I came to realize that I'm ready to get out into the world; I'm taking my place as a professional artist.  I'm terrified, excited, overwhelmed, ecstatic, and very, very grateful.  This "coming-out" has been almost a decade in the making.  I've had a slew of support and inspiration, from the most amazing people I'm forever honored to call my friends.

All great stuff, but what now? My next step is applying to Artspace's Emerging Artist in Residence.  I'm recognizing that creating a recent portfolio and being able to articulate "what I do" as an artist is an imperative part of my growth.  Even if I don't receive the residency I'll be able to use what I've done to submit to galleries, universities and other art outlets.  Woohoo...I'm on a roll...and here's the kicker...if you've been following this blog you've read I'm attempting to interview artists and post how-tos, well I've had a lot of challenges; wanting help with the video, editing, and other technical stuff. I never got my intern BUT the mixed media artist guild might want to start putting out their own videos! That means I'll probably have to learn how to do the video stuff, but I'd have over 40 artists to interview...SWEET!!!! ANd knowing those amazingly talented women I wouldn't have to organize the thing myself...heck maybe I could even have a committee!  At the very least the video project could be incorporated with the retreat their planning.  All good leads in the right direction :)

Wow...all that in just over a month.  Clarity...definitely worth the wait!