Ack where did November go?!?!

My head is spinning.  I'm so grateful for where I am in my life journey right now.  I remember all the times I was beyond frustrated with my art...times I wanted to throw everything away...when I cursed God for my overwhelming desire to create but didn't find a way to support myself with my talents.  Sometimes I felt that my prayers would never be answered.  In spite of my circumstances and because I am extremely stubborn I continued to make art.  Taking photographs or painting, making cards or garland Christmas trees  I found some serenity in creating just for arts sake.
And then while working on the mock up of a re-arrangeable piece, not expecting anything at all,  everything changed; I stumbled upon how to make my photographic gems. For all the times I've tried to plan the great stuff in my life I am now utterly convinced the surprises God gives to me are infinitely better than anything I could have thought up.
So here I am...I was in a few shows this fall and did really well.  I was feverishly excited to tell everyone about my new found art.  And this past show, the Boylan Height's Artwalk, I even received a compliment on my enthusiasm.
I know continuing on this path will have its ups and downs.  And still I am eager to see what the new year brings.  The message in my heart for then and through out the holiday season is have faith...in yourself and whatever Higher Power you believe in.  Your prayers will always be answered in the positive...even if it is "yes, but not now" or "I have something better".
Happy Holiday
Love
Jennifer

Photo pendants

I've been busy busy busy making pendants, bracelets, and rings :) Yay!!!!!
I even started a jewelry class to learn how to metalsmith. Awesome!
So here are a few of the pieces I've been working on...Enjoy :)

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Life lessons blah

So I've been happily making my jewelry at a pretty good pace for the last several weeks now :) yay! Well I always give my pieces test wears to make sure they fall right, don't turn, don't scratch, don't break... And well unfortunately every 1 out of 10 hairpins seems to fall apart after a few weeks. Damn. I've spent the last couple of weeks hunting for a more industrial strength glue that doesn't reQuire installing a ventilation hood in my art studio. It's overwhelming how toxic some of the adhesives are! I thought I would just use a quick fix on the hairpins I've already made...a drop of super glue and wah-la. No such luck. The super glue seeped into and onto every part of the hairpin leaving ugly white residue all over them :( so sad. Like 100 hairpins all messed up. Lesson learned...ALWAYS do a test sample before doing an entire batch. Seems pretty obvious as I would apply that knowledge to a material I hadn't used before but superglue...humph. Now I know, test it just in case. So where does that leave me wit the hairpins...I'm going to try and save them...I mean I am an artist and all and creative solutions are my thing! I went to ornamentea and bought diamond glaze...
So I tried it on a few...we'll see the results tomorrow...wish me luck!!!

Progress not perfection

So I did it...I have my first pendant published on etsy. I thought I would be really excited but surprisingly I'm completely underwhelmed. Wtf? I think this is the part where now I feel the anxiety of having to get more stuff up there. I brought my camera to the studio today so I can get some great photos of me wearing my wears but I'm so not wanting to start! Well I'll turn my attention to the positive...I got my business cards on Friday :) and I have all my jewelry in cute little bags with my logo on them. Definitely progress.now the hard part letting go of the perfection piece. I want my photos to be amazing...I am a photographer and all but I've always photographed other people...not used my self timer to photograph me!?! Ok ok enough of my complaining...I need to go take the photos put them up on etsy and move forward. oh and the other little thing I need to do that makes me feel really squirrely...email all my friends and family tonlet them see what I've been doing.
www.lookingglasslane.etsy.com

I'm the interviewed artist!

Told you I'd get back to artists, interviews and how-tos! Ok, well this is, in a round about way... I got a phone call from a journalist and wah-la! Yay!!! I was interviewed by Raleigh Downtowner!!!  http://www.raleighdowntowner.com/  The current issue is out around Raleigh but not yet up online.  

And the how-to part...well I got to do my first demonstration at the CMMAG meeting last thursday :)  It went great...my 4 year old son was there to "help" me. And my art was very well received...it felt so great! I've told myself a million times I don't need validation from other  people to make great art...but it sure helps when other artists I admire like my stuff! 

I'm slowly getting the business aspects of my art done too.  My goal is to have business cards and an etsy site in 2 weeks!  And to satisfy my inner lawyer I'm sending off my photographs to be copyrighted. Woohoo lots to do!!! I'll keep you posted :)

I never would have thought...

My life is hilarious...I think I've mentioned that before :)  So I was working on my next really big re-arrangeable art project when I got distracted by the technique I was developing for the piece. Not just a little distracted like a rest stop on the side of the highway, I mean distracted like I took an exit to stop for gas and ended up buying a house and getting a job.  Yay?!?! SO what am I working on now...jewelry. I've posted photos of the gems I'm making because explaining them doesn't really do justice to the finished pieces.

Remembering

So I was reading back through some of my posts and laughed when I came to the reason I started this blog, artists. interviews. how tos....hmmm it seems I have gotten quite far from what I originally intended to do. Oh well...change happens...and really even though I appear off track now I will be reading this post in a year or two and again be laughing because I will have gotten back around to what I had originally planned.  My life is hilarious like that.


Recently I've been procrastinating on getting some of the business stuff...incorporating, insurance, licensing...done.  In the past I worked for a lawyer! I almost went into entertainment law! So why am I dragging my feet?!?!? I keep making mounds of excuses...I need to more time, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where to start.. ad infinitum.  So what's the real reason...I'm afraid of failure.  In the past I have tried a few things that didn't work out so well.  (There were some successes mixed in there too but that's not what's got me worried!) It feels like if I move forward with the legal paperwork I'm making a really big commitment to myself.  Ack my brain is arguing with itself. I write that I'm afraid of failure then I immediately reply with...but I can do this, I'm ready. Besides my definition of failure is not trying...so funny enough, if I don't do the paperwork I will fail.  Damnations.

Wandering

Lately I've been questioning if all of my mood swings are normal.   I swear one day I'm feeling great then the next I want to throw my art away and go get a normal job.  So much great stuff seemed to be happening and now I'm completely confused because less than nothing is happening.  It is like pulling teeth just to get to my art studio these days.  I totally empathize with all the women out there who want to make art their livelihood but struggle with balancing their career with their stay-at-home/family demands.  In my household everyone else's needs are more important...husband has to work more...I lose art time, child has to go to doctor...I lose art time...Heck I even do it to myself...there are times when I haven't spoken to an adult for 72 hours because I've been home with my son ...and I've hung out with a friend instead of going to my art studio.  I'm very very very frustrated.
I am making a public commitment...no more negotiable art time.  If it is time to go to my studio that is where I will be.

Onward We Happily Trudge

Yesterday "physically" went well...everything on the outside seemed ok...well, less that little tornado scare.   Inspite of reality being as lovely as it was the day before, my head was turning itself sideways.  Current events have caused me to look back at some really really hard times in my not too distant past, things I'd accepted, moved through, and was completely done with.  Still there were those past emotions...the feelings of being scared, unprepared, angry, less-than, broken, crazy, lonely, and overwhelmed.  There was a time when my feelings, running away from my feelings, being terrified of feeling my feelings, drove me to some very self destructive behaviors.  Over the years and with a lot of help, I've learned to talk to someone I trust, accept the uncomfortable emotions, and pray the serenity prayer.  So instead of yesterday being a disaster, I talked to my husband about all the messiness in my head and felt a little better.  Today I'm still feeling a little sad about what happened in my life years before...but it's not a pity sad, just a gentle grieving. Recognizing what I lost, but simultaneously being reminded that I'm a more compassionate and stronger person for my struggles. And with years of hard work, of not backing down or running away, years of looking at my problems, and being willing to live in the solutions, my life today is really good.

So onward I happily trudge, just like all those other people out there who have faced similar struggles.  I'm choosing to love myself and all the challenges that have made me who I am.

Mmmmmm

Mmmmm is usually associated with a tasty treat , but I'm mmmmming with furrowed brow.  I'm grumpy mmmming if you will.  Why? Well, I'm not exactly sure...things have been great recently. My tree was well received at the Kit Challenge...I was hired to dance for a motion capture project and photograph a food fight...even applied for Artspace Emerging Artist Residency...plus left my cleaning job.  But here I am  walking around my house pouting?!?!?  I keep thinking I want a break...I deserve a vacation for all my hard work...which may be partly true BUT it's all work I wanted to do! Just like this blog...I want to do this...so why do I procrastinate writing?  I am frustrated with my own conflicting emotions. Do I say I want something because it sounds good, but then don't really want it because of the work it takes to make it happen? Oh please No! I don't want to be one of those people!  Ack. Ack. Ok, calming down. I'm not one of those people...I'm just tired...I'm slightly overwhelmed because I haven't learned to balance my time yet...I'll get there...I always do, just need to freak out for a second ( or minute or half a day) I mean really look at me..what am I doing, writing.  Not exactly what I set out to do with this blog but at least I'm doing something. Besides the video stuff is coming...I am going to edit my "creating of the tree" footage as well as video of the food fight...now there is some mmmmmm in a deliciously messy good way.

Clarity Comes

Ok, it's been over a month since my last post...and clarity has come.  At the end of January, during the Carolina Mixed Media Artist Guild meeting, an opportunity was presented to partake in their annual Kit Challenge.  The Challenge was to create a piece of art using 25 different items...oh, and it had to be completed in one month.  I was hesitant to sign up, but I knew it was the next right thing to do...so, off I ran, full tilt.  The challenge was amazing...I'd let you know what I did, but I'm not allowed to post any photos until the opening on March 25th :) During my creative process, I came to realize that I'm ready to get out into the world; I'm taking my place as a professional artist.  I'm terrified, excited, overwhelmed, ecstatic, and very, very grateful.  This "coming-out" has been almost a decade in the making.  I've had a slew of support and inspiration, from the most amazing people I'm forever honored to call my friends.

All great stuff, but what now? My next step is applying to Artspace's Emerging Artist in Residence.  I'm recognizing that creating a recent portfolio and being able to articulate "what I do" as an artist is an imperative part of my growth.  Even if I don't receive the residency I'll be able to use what I've done to submit to galleries, universities and other art outlets.  Woohoo...I'm on a roll...and here's the kicker...if you've been following this blog you've read I'm attempting to interview artists and post how-tos, well I've had a lot of challenges; wanting help with the video, editing, and other technical stuff. I never got my intern BUT the mixed media artist guild might want to start putting out their own videos! That means I'll probably have to learn how to do the video stuff, but I'd have over 40 artists to interview...SWEET!!!! ANd knowing those amazingly talented women I wouldn't have to organize the thing myself...heck maybe I could even have a committee!  At the very least the video project could be incorporated with the retreat their planning.  All good leads in the right direction :)

Wow...all that in just over a month.  Clarity...definitely worth the wait!

Try Try Again

Second tries are vitally important.  Why? I have had several situations in my life where I tried something once and was on the verge of giving up when a friend suggested I try again...low and behold on the retry I got results.  Same thing happened with my intern posting! It has now been up since January 5th...sweet! Still waiting for the interns to submit their applications but I'm willing to be patient...it takes time for the right people to come along.
So until then this is what I have been doing...I emailed an artist about a collaboration, went on a tour of The Umstead's art collection, joined the Carolina Mixed Media Artist Guild, and almost finished an embroidery art piece I started this time last year.  And I thought I'd just be waiting around twiddling my thumbs (yea right!)
Still trying to mentally, emotionally, spiritually process what the next right step is.   What I have failed to mention thus far is what I actually do to make money and with the time I'm not arting...At stupid early times in the morning I clean model homes. A good first step back towards the working world as I was out of the game being a stay-at-home mom for over 3 years...oh that's what I still do with majority of my time...and well worth it! Anyway, the cleaning homes thing is by far completely not challenging and I recognize that the working world is calling me back but I'm not sure what to do...feeling overwhelmed and confused...like my head is full of a million marbles that I'm suppose to put back into some yet identified order. aaaaahhhhhh. So for the rest of tonight I'm going to let it all go. I'll try again tomorrow.   The Universe in all it's cosmic glory will figure out what to do with me.  I have a right place. And tonight it is right here.

A New Year A New Idea

Ok...so I apologize to my readers and myself for not posting sooner...I have been procrastinating because nothing I'm trying seems to be yielding any results. (currently) My take on this...disappointment yes but also a weird unexplainable gratitude that for once I'm not running around trying to force things to happen.

So how I see my current time line and development...
First this project began as a way for me to be accountable for my art progress and gain motivation by connecting with other artists on a regular basis.

Then I ran into the complication of not finding artists who were willing to commit beyond the verbal "Yea that'd be great" so from this I gathered that I would need help with the videography and editing so more of my time could be spent contacting artists. And really I was uber excited about the idea of collaborating with other individuals who could offer ideas and technical skills to the video aspect of the interviews.

So I found an intern program through NCSU's film department and submitted a request form. The initial correspondence from the director seemed promising. I had asked if there were any requirements for the students to receive credit and sent the posting I wanted published.  His reply was a brief 'minimum of 10 hours' and no further explanation of my posting lacking any other needed criteria.  WELL...that was 3 weeks ago and my post still has not been added.
Slightly pissed off am I...why...well I was an intern for a music management company...completely legit...had their own office and such but what I learned hmmm...I stuffed envelopes and filed. Yes I could write on my resume I interned for such and such company but actual skills learned...none. Here I am offering a legitimate opportunity for students to actually USE video, lighting and sound equipment. To partake in the creative process and have finished productions they can use to procure a paying job. So, what, because I don't have a studio name what I have to offer doesn't warrant the same level of respect as "studio who is only using intern to do grunt work"?!?!?!

My current plan... I'm going to contact the director again. But if my post doesn't go up I'll be moving on...their loss.